10 inappropriate Disney-owned properties we’d like to see in Kingdom Hearts 4

Back in 2002 when Kingdom Hearts first went offline, the combination of Disney-themed worlds and Final Fantasy characters created a Square Enix-style RPG that was exciting.

but kingdom hearts 4 Finding yourself in a very different media environment, with only a handful of companies owning a ton of related pop culture franchises, everything is a world that expands across borders.

The only limit to how far fan service can go when so much property is under one umbrella is how brave the empowerment team feels that afternoon. And whether it was Tina’s departure party at the office that day, and whether the emergency bottle of gin had turned up.

These are all Disney-owned characters, and if they really wanted to take the series to the next level, they should have put them in Kingdom Hearts 4, which is currently in active development.

Bender – Out of the Future

Bite my shiny metal keyblade.

3000’s premier bending contraption will be the ultimate Summoning character, spewing alcohol fires at everyone and everything on the road, twisting metal with bare hands, and transforming into a terrifying human vehicle for a devastating finisher.

Either that’s it, or you can just turn the Gummi Ship into a Planet Express and call it a day.

Nostromo – Alien

Did you know you were sucked into Pinocchio’s whale monster in space in the first Kingdom Hearts?

So what if you’re docked in a very dangerous place? Like the alien-infected Nostromo in the original aliens.

But hey, since we’re trying to get the most mileage out of brand recognition and not being stalked by the sourmouth, sickle-claw horrors from beyond the stars, how about you being hunted by bounty hunter Din Djarin The Mandalorian The one in the first episode where he kills everyone on a ship like the aliens in the aliens.

This is what we call fan service.

Wakeboard Squirrels on ESPN 8: Ojo – Dodgeball

You might think it’s just a stupid meme choice. you are right.

But actually, we’re pretty smart because it’s a prime example of Disney ultimately owning everything.

While Disney has owned a controlling stake in ESPN since the ’90s, it wasn’t until 2019 that it acquired 20th Century Studios along with the rest of Fox.

So now not only do they have the world’s premier destination for the world’s top sports from around the globe, like tractor racing, burning football and squirrel water skiing, but they’re also beating the makers of dodgeball.

It’s a bold move for cotton, let’s see if it pays off.

Charles Dickens and Rizzo the Mouse – A Muppet A Christmas Carol

Who needs Donald and Goofy as company when you have the energetic duo of the greatest Christmas movie of all time in your pocket?

Already adept at guiding almighty audiences through dense, interdimensional storytelling, Muppets—for us by far the best invention—makes everything better. There are no exceptions, it’s the law.

In Kingdom Hearts, everyone is always asleep, so why not get another sleep before Christmas?

Jack Bauer – 24

Ask your dad/young uncle/cool friend about the ’00s classic 24, in a 24-episode series where each hour-long episode adds up to an episode of brilliant counter-terrorist Jack Bauer all day.

Cue a bunch of people who don’t sleep, who are constantly yelling at their phones, and the post-9/11 nightmarish “whatever it takes” cult of endless collateral damage and “enhanced interrogation technology.” The ends justify the means, right? …right?

The realistic time-lapse concept fits Kingdom Hearts well, like a giant white Mickey glove, as each cutscene feels like it lasts 24 hours in real life.

Also, star Keifer Sutherland is no stranger to video games after complaining about a dozen lines when he played Viper in Metal Gear Solid V: The Phantom Pain — the character only offers him three wishes in a dream (his hope) before accepting the role. still unknown).

What we’re saying: With a little waterboarding, they’ll find Carey faster.

Superhero team consisting of dog Brian, nibble, tickle and scratch

It’s too easy to just play one Marvel hero, so why not build a new team from the plethora of cartoon characters on offer?

Save the day with this animal-based squad of beloved adult animated friends.

The gimmick was written by himself. Since they’re basically rocket raccoons you can have Bradley Cooper voice them and they all call each other bunnies like another movie you’ve seen, and when their usefulness is out, just pack them to their home planet and say they died on the way back.

Walker – The Walking Dead

Halloween Town has some new inhabitants: surreal, gory, and rotting monsters born out of an over-budgeted show with no plot.

Apparently, Disney also owns ABC’s The Walking Dead – whose final season is now on Disney+ if the ad campaign hasn’t penetrated every aspect of you already – so these hobbled death walkers are fair game to add some Necrotic Spice of your favorite childhood memories.

Of course, it raises the age rating slightly. But little children’s brains can never follow the complex narrative structure and emotional resonance of game levels set in the world of Hercules, right?

Wisteria Lane – Desperate Housewives

Kingdom Hearts is something all of us nerds want our lives to be like, so it’s only fair to integrate our moms wanting their lives to be like this show.

Where the fantasy world of magic and wonder seems more interesting, the sleepy suburb of Wisteria Lane is truly the most dynamic of the bunch.

Tornadoes, plane crashes, and more poisoning than Disney World’s giant turkey legs, Sora and friends will need to use all their skills to escape unscathed.

In our first draft of the story, Jiminy Cricket sadly didn’t survive.

Dewey – Malcolm in the middle

Sora is getting older as the Kingdom Hearts series continues. It’s time for fresh blood. The future is now, old man.

That’s why we advocated for Dewey from Malcolm in the Middle as the new main series protagonist.

There will be no other issues at this time.


How does this work for framed devices?

Earth is just another planet in a vast galaxy of trademarked and copyrighted material.

Only one person believes the truth is out there: (20th century) Fox Mulder and him and his skeptical sidekick Dana Scully have to go on a killing spree.

Through Ellenwick-style vignettes far removed from the main story, you piece together the harrowing reality: the anthropomorphic mouse is the king of the universe, the chipmunk mastered spaceflight before humans, the duck has risen to become a powerful wizard, Can command fire, air, and lightning.

We’re not alone, but you’ll wish we had this terrible knowledge.