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Crapshoot: One of the strangest Bible games ever, the zoo contest
From 2010 to 2014 Richard Corbett Wrote Crapshoot, a column about craps to make random and obscure games reappear. This week, the animals may enter the Ark in twos, long live, long live, but in this arcade racing car, only one can cross the finish line first.
Believe it or not, everyone knows the story of Noah’s Ark in some form. Strangely, people rarely mention what happened next—the part where the water receded. To celebrate, God and Noah organized a sadistic sports day to make Deathmatch 2000 look like Super Mario Kart.
Is that Canon? Um? Oh.Well, there is cannon Participate if this helps.
must have Some Yes, it is actually a sane Bible-themed game. Statistically speaking, they can’t all be as clumsy and educational as our past friends “The Captain of the Bible” and “Your Will”. However, as you might have guessed, The Zoo Race will not break this trend.
(Especially because if you do, including it here is not interesting enough, obviously.)
However, before we start the game, I’d better answer an inevitable question: Why choose another Bible game, you bastard? I prepared a quick clip to explain. Observe it with your poor human eyes.
I believe in the content about it.
Zoo Race is not only one of the strangest Bible games ever, it is also one of the strangest games I have ever seen-no qualifications are required. As far as I know, its dedication is sincere, but it is not important.Not when you see that spinning horse and realize that it is Absolutely not.
This week’s Crapshoot will be shorter than usual. The reason is simple. I can tell you about the zoo contest, but I might as well just show you a video, otherwise you will think I’m joking.For more proof, you can also Download the shareware version——But be aware that the transmitter tries to flood your system with more shit than God threw to Job at that time.
The Zoo Race is so strange, it has no plot. It has two. In the official story, it quotes one of the Bible versions, and then adds a point of its own at the end… I quote:
After the Flood, Noah and the animals were very happy to be chosen to live on earth. Noah then announced to celebrate the start of the game. Noah’s sons built a racecourse and then encouraged the animals to race in it.
quite. By the way, these animals include a pig wearing a top hat named Priscilla, an apparently Viking rhinoceros, a mountain lion named Cain shaking a pirate hat, and another named Tower Ma’s tiger is simply described as “cute”. The full version provides a unique world for each of them, but the shareware only provides one, Cain’s Caverns, and… etc.This is a bible game suitable for children, it calls one of the characters Cain? Is there no Hare Judas? At least the game announcer did not say “on your score!”
Speaking of the announcer, I am not entirely sure who he is.It must be God or Noah, just because it cannot be one of his sons Everyone else in the world is deadEither way, there is no doubt that Noah has a lot of explanation work to do.
However, before I tell you some specific content in the shared software map, I want to draw your attention to the reassuring message on this screen. On the flag. you saw it. there.
It seems harmless enough, right? right.Well this is Waiting for something at the top of the same ramp.
Passed? The broken wall of death! It doesn’t make sense to show these because they look like blocks in the screenshot. At the next corner… guess what! If you think “a son of Noah threw an explosive barrel!”, you are right! And your way of thinking worries me! marvelous!
Some versions of the story of Noah’s Ark say that after the flood, he and his family expressed gratitude by giving up the burnt offering. I don’t think this is what they are referring to.
I also don’t doubt that it was the flames and lava pits from the next room, or the cannons used to shoot animals from the air. If The Zoo Race has anything to say, it is that their experience of the entire Ark incident gave Noah and his sons such an amazing post-traumatic stress disorder that they immediately used all their carpentry skills to create A beast version of the saw. How else can you explain this-the glass-paneled hall where animals are forced to pass, most of which become solid walls when hit?
But you want to see its actual effect, right? Of course you know. You are lucky! Not only is there a clip to show off the car, it also includes the full version of the zoo competition…er…the second storyline. In this book, the whole thing is a librarian’s dream, so boring, she actually suggested one of her visitors to read a dictionary. If it sounds boring, don’t worry! Soon, it became creepy!
On the bright side, we do find that the announcer is actually God. Hannah and her friend Reuben are even arguing whether or not just having the omnipotent power over the universe is enough to qualify for this job, believe me, when I say it requires some Serious Bravely let these actors even read these lines into the microphone.
After that, everyone magically became an animal! They race! Because I do not know.
If you just want to watch the car, please skip to 4:13 to watch the exciting montage.Take out the rest and you will see the production value and even Mortal Kombat: The journey begins shame.
I will not give such compliments lightly.
The greatest racing game ever? Ignoring graphics, physics, orbital design, premises, and all other things that can be evaluated objectively or subjectively, I don’t see anyone arguing. This lesson ends here. Play better things calmly. Well, it shouldn’t be too difficult.