My puppy Cosmo is a wayward and never-ending tornado who is usually funny even when he’s in destroy everything, but it might be nice if he calms down for a while. I recently tried teaching this cute but stubborn hound some attention, including getting him to work for PC Gamer. His first mission? His impression of the dog photography game Pupperazzi.
Cosmo lets me know he’s ready to play Pupperazzi, who barks louder than any creature his size should be able to handle, and knocks over his nearly full bowl. Or maybe he just wants to get away from his gaming pen. He’s loud, he’s excited, and he definitely wants to rip into something. He is ready to become a professional critic.
First stop: a quaint beach where we got some guidance from a puppy in a little raincoat. He sat on a deck chair at the top of the beach and looked at the area like he was holding a courtroom. He’s gentle and domineering, with surprising authority over a furball dressed like a little fisherman. If it wasn’t already clear, Pupperazzi is disgustingly cute.
No matter how many times I enthusiastically point at the screen, the Cosmo doesn’t get bothered by the cuteness. He clearly has extremely high standards. However, as we completed the brief tasks assigned to us by our canine instructor, he became more involved, slapping the keyboard with relish. Could this also have something to do with the muffin crumbs between the keys? Of course. But I choose to believe that he is slowly succumbing to the corrupt influence of video games.
Soon, more dogs got in touch with us, offering us a long list of straightforward goals—photographing a lighthouse, finding a dog on a skateboard, photographing a hipster dog—that earned us golden bones. Are they pure gold? Gold plated? Where do dogs get them? What else do dogs need gold for? I turned to Cosmo for answers. He started biting his tail and fell.
Golden Bones can buy new camera filters, lenses, and toys at vending machines. Luckily, dogs are very generous with their gold bones, so you’ll be collecting a lot of useful upgrades in no time, as well as a truly harrowing selfie mode.
Since Cosmo likes to talk loudly with other dogs, I’ve been bracing for a loud bark, but he seems to find the beach and furry inhabitants quite soothing. This is in stark contrast to the barking dog in the prologue of A Plague Tale: Innocence, who recently drove him crazy for 20 minutes.
When I start petting the dog, the mood changes. Craving for love, a bunch of puppies fill the screen, and Cosmo gets nothing. He was howling, grunting and sulking under my desk. He shouldn’t be jealous – pictures of happy dogs earn you more followers on Pupperazzi’s social media platform, dogNET, so I love influencers.
Coaxing him out had to wait, as I found myself a little preoccupied with a new filter that was perfect for photographing a classy dog on a yacht. Check out this majestic seaman getting ready for his photo.
To repair our friendship, I took Cosmo for a walk. As he wandered around in the grass, what struck me was that Pupperazzi perfectly reproduced how the dogs moved without actually animating them. Every puppy bounces. All four claws leave the ground. It looks ridiculous, but it captures the essence of the bouncy gait that most puppies have. It’s so heartwarming to see a puppy, or better yet, a whole pack, pounce on you with their tails wagging.
When I tried to get Cosmo to act on the animation, he gave me a big drooling kiss and headbutted me. I don’t know how to translate it, but he does keep staring at the bouncing dog, dumbfounded, even if it’s only for a minute or two at a time. He rarely stays still for long unless he’s napping, so that’s probably a good sign.
Our striking photos have brought us a whole new following, but we still have to deal with the fickle nature of social media. Boring pictures, too many pictures in one day, too many dogs in the shot – they all draw criticism. I don’t believe there’s such a thing as posting too many cute dog pictures in quick succession, although the followers of my real Twitter account might say otherwise.
I should probably add that this is a social media platform for dogs, not just pictures of dogs. Just a bunch of dogs wanting to see more dogs. Considering how excited Cosmo gets every time he sees one of his four-legged buddies outside, that’s tracking. Dogs are cute, so even critical comments don’t tingle too much. It’s mostly relentless positivity – I think I want social media to be more like that, even if I absolutely tire of it in a week.
As you gather more followers, new areas are unlocked, each promising more dogs and bizarre photo opportunities. For example, the boardwalk is full of dogs that have been groomed for a day. Boots, sunglasses, all kinds of funky hats – it’s a deadly whimsy, ready to explode in confetti and marshmallows. Check out this stylish puppy.
He even got an endorsement from Cosmo, who gave my monitor a high five. Then we had to take a break when he started chewing on his third ethernet cable.
Another disaster was avoided, and we got into a good state: He relaxed under my desk when I photographed the dog, or sat on my lap when I taught him how to photograph. Now, dogs don’t have the dexterity of using a mouse and keyboard, but those little paws are great at moving the mouse on their own, tapping the buttons to take pictures. Here’s a lovely sports-themed shot of himself. So proud.
Some goals require you to improve an area, such as reopening the boardwalk arcade and skatepark. For the former, it’s as easy as jumping on a balcony to break in – thanks for the double jump! – and the latter needs to be cleaned up first. The goal of Pupperazzi is carefree understatement, but the extra goals and increased levels of interaction add welcome direction and purpose to an otherwise wonderfully relaxing dog sightseeing tour.
We’ll get back to life on the boardwalk when Cosmo starts to get super high. The lads love the boardwalk. Unable to contain his excitement, he jumped onto my table, let out a little howl of victory, and knocked over a glass of orange squash.
Once the mess is cleaned up, it’s time to get to work again. We’ve unlocked a new ability that I’m very eager to try. In addition to petting the dogs and giving them toys, you can eventually dress them up. Does it take some flair to see a sad, naked dog? Stick some shadows on it! Put it in booties! Refresh that dog.
Cosmo and I both appreciate this dress system because I love dogs in costumes, and he would prefer me to pester any other dog with my fashion sins.
We have a thriving social media, we reinvigorated the local economy, we groomed countless dogs – it’s been a busy day and the little ones are starting to fidget. It’s been hours since he last swallowed a sock or dropped a piece of pizza off the table. Time to leave this puppy paradise. He took one last look at his digital accomplice before rushing to a toy cow that Savage Christmas had given him.
Juice incident aside, this is the most dedicated Cosmo I’ve ever seen, so I thought it was a recommendation from my furry friend. While my opinion wasn’t as important as his, I had a great time, with only minor UI chores like not being able to set goals that got in the way of a good vibe. I’d love to spend my life only taking pictures of good dogs.
All your saved photos can be found in AppData’s Pupperazzi folder. Here are some of my favorites.