Wario’s shoes are centered on Wario

Wario is a style icon. Even Peter Nguyen, the professional stylist of The Essential Man, agrees that this is true. But one thing Nguyen and I disagree with is Wario’s shoes.

Of course, Nguyen is an expert in menswear, he knows more about clothing than I know about anything, and I am almost 30 years old and work on sweatpants every day. But my point is: fuck, yes, Wario shoes. I like them.

If you have never seen Wario shoes, then you must feast your eyes. Wario’s traditional shoes are pointed green clogs.Looks like he stole elf shoes from there Aladdin (Wario will definitely do this) and spray them green-this color doesn’t match his yellow and purple work clothes at all (Wario’s brand is also very beautiful).

Wario’s aggressive shoes sometimes change color, appearing purple in his iconic motorcycle clothing, and magenta in his Wario Man clothing. Sometimes they are black or even brown. He even designed pointed curved shoes for golf, and wore fancy curved shoes when riding horses. When he was riding a horse, Wario almost lost all the other identifying parts of his wardrobe, but the shoes had to stay. The only time you see Wario without his signature clogs is when he is wearing a mountain climbing or pretending to be a cowboy. Why extreme sports is an exception to Wario’s shoe rules, this is a subtlety that we will never understand.

In the past month, we have learned a lot about Wario, but I think his shoes are a real window to his soul. Shoes tell us a lot about a man. Mario has been wearing those ugly brown kicks for years, but they are practical-they have to have a lot of traction, and they are soiled with Goomba juice in order to scare his enemies. Bowser wore those sick metal shoes at his wedding with princess Peach, probably because there were a lot of stones in his castle, and even all the kings of Koopas didn’t want to step on these stones.

Wario’s costumes are powerful and sometimes scary. But his shoes are silly and weird. Wario sees the key need to balance the brand, so he remains humble when it comes to footwear. Wearing shoes like Wario requires a confident man, especially on different occasions where he wears shoes.

But this is what we like about Wario. He can become a style icon. He can also say, “These are my damn shoes. I carry them wherever I go.” Do they look practical? Are they fashionable? Absolutely not. But they are Wario. This is why he will never take them down.